VR 2017

[The Zane]

I asked my mom about this, and how I showed lot’s of symptoms of ADHD,and she mentioned how my doctor and some of my teacher’s asked my mom to get me tested. She obviously didn’t, so I asked her and her response significantly upset. To her and my dad, “ADHD, ADD, medication and therapy are excuses for lazy parents who have no time to discipline them” - direct quote from my Dad. My mom then adds to this by saying how “We all have trouble concentrating, and you are smart, why don’t you just concentrate more. I must have failed raising you if your will power is so weak. What I failed most with was by not forcing you to pray when you started acting up. (I abandoned my stupid religion during the end of freshman year. I was extremely religious before then. I wouldn’t even eat certain foods for it. It honestly did so much harm and little to no good to my life.). She continues in her rage “Maybe if you focused more on God, you would be more obedient and listen to your parents! You don’t have ADHD, you aren’t trying hard enough. ADHD is bullshit, and so is psychiatry. They are the biggest con artists ever.” (This last statement really ticked me off, they said this without knowing that I planned on being one. It was really ironic tbh. I was kind of expecting this from them though, because my mom hates gay and black people for no reason and that itself is ironic because WE ARE FUCKING COLORED OURSELVES.) “You should stop whining and start studying. Your GPA is awful.” she finishes before I storm out filled up with anger. I was really upset that day, they wouldn’t help me. I don’t know why they value the brain less than any other organ humans have. For fucks sake, my mom took opiates after her back surgery, and my dad is a chainsmoker, yet she and my dad have the audacity to tell me how dangerous “drugging up your mind is.”.

That happened about two weeks ago. I was starting to get really stressed after that because at that point, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to help myself under them. So for finals, I decided t help myself out and bought some 54mg concerta tablets that I bought from a guy at my school. Long story short, I used them over the weekend, and they didn’t work at all in improving my focus, even after I took 164mg of them. Unfortunately, they left me with awful side effects like constant staring, cheek gnawing, cold extremities, pressure in my head, and intense, amazing euphoria with an awful crash that shortly followed it. I was awake for more than 26 hours straight friday night, and only slept one hour after the effects completely wore down. I then did lot’s of research on the drug, and found out that I had bought XR tablets and that they are SUPPOSED to release very tiny increments of ritalin at a time into my system and would last between 10-16 hours after use. I realized that the reason why they were extended release was due to its coating, so I removed it and experimented the following sunday with half of my second to last tablet. I was right, and with about 27 mg of half a tablet with some of the shell removed, the drug kicked in within 30 minutes and lasted for about 4 hours before I felt a milder and tolerable crash. It was amazing, I could never have concentrated as well in my life without it. No, it wasn’t anything like how my friend described studying with adderall was, and it sure wasn’t close to a “magic” drug, but for once in my life, I could actually focus on one thing without zoning out. It felt unreal. I’ve never actually “studied” like this before, It was like I was a normal person. This time for the first time ever, I went a whole 2 hours without getting distracted by frivolous stimuli. My hyperactivity was minimized, and I actually felt happy for once. It didn’t give me extra creative juices like adderall supposedly does, but it did help me effectively use my brain. I figured it was due to Methylphenidate being a dopamine inhibitor unlike adderall which is both an inhibitor and a stimulator for the brain to produce even more dopamine. Ritalin helps you use what you got, and Adderall gives you an edge.

I really wasn’t complaining, I memorized over half of my AP Bio semester in two fucking hours. I knew that I would do good the following day…

BOY WAS I WRONG, I’VE POSSIBLY NEVER BEEN MORE WRONG IN MY LIFE.

After taking half of the remaining split pill I had left with one left over, I got cranking through my first exam for the day. My AP Environmental test was finished with ease, and I didn’t even study for it.

Here is where I fuck up, and it’s BIG!

Unlike the previous day, the crash was HORRID. I was getting an intense headache that felt like Arnold Schwarzenegger was crushing my temples inward with his quads. It was almost as bad as my concerta OD friday night. I panic, and pop the last pill that I had left, and felt ease after 15 minutes. The bell rung, and I made my venture to Calculus for that exam. It had lots of questions over velocity (the test which I missed more than half the questions on) and I was doing pretty good till the last 20ish minutes of the exam. At this point, the full tablet of concerta started to exponentially kick in. It had paradoxical effects on me, and I was over analyze EVERY LITTLE thing. I realized this after I spent over 14 of the twenty minutes on the second to last problem that was extremely simple. All I had to do was plug in a number to get the answer, but I had spent almost all of my remaining time on it while finding solutions to other velocity calculations that had nothing to do with the problem. On the last question, I realize that I’m super fucked, because It was really hard for me to comprehend what exactly I was supposed to answer. I got through it fortunately, but I could feel my brain thought process, and it was awfully slow.

I was super fucked. I had bio next…

It was difficult, and I tried to maintain my composure in there, but the concerta amplified while I completed the first few questions. My thoughts were super slow, and it felt as if I was shitfaced drunk and my brain was in slow motion. I had the hardest time understanding what I was reading, I literally had to reread every single fucking question and answer choices over three times each before I marked my scantron. I was really fucked up, and I was super confused over what every other question was asking me. I was the last kid to finish up the MC part of the exam, and my teacher told me that I was taking way too long. I still had over 4 multiple choice and 2 grid in questions left, but she made me turn it in, she didn’t care. I was freaking out on the inside, my heart rate shot up, yet my face and body showed no indications that I was having a mild anxiety attack. My hands started to become really cold and my palms started to sweat. I only took around 71 mg, It started feeling even worse than the previous friday when I took over 162 mg. This made my current problem even worse, I started thinking about why and sat dumbfounded for over 5 minutes.

BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE.

I was already super anxious and was starting to feel extremely dizzy and mentally slow. I felt dumber than a drunk SP-ED kid. I had a whole writing portion to complete in this condition, and they were over experimental design and I was supposed to explain every single component of an experiment for two of the three questions that I only had 16 minutes left out of the 25 minutes that was recommended for the questions.

All of a sudden, I felt the most euphoric sensation that I have ever experienced in my life. It was different than last friday’s possible OD, because this time, the headache simultaneously with the high. It hurt to think, but I had to so I did. I completed the test with 2 minutes left. I know I scored between 65%-80% on it, that is if I didn’t fail it. My grade in AP bio was 1 92%, and this exam accounts for 1/5th of my semester grade. I wanted my grade to raise in there, but I got the exact opposite. I have never felt worse in my whole life, yet I could barely comprehend how bad I had fucked up.

When I got home I realized how bad I fucked up, and I started thinking about my GPA and college for more than 7 hours straight. I realized that my whole life was one big fuck up. The concerta just started to wear down a couple minutes ago. I’m actually typing this semi high while coming down from the crash. My head still aches, but I’m starting to concentrate better.

Here is my question guys, I probably fucked up my semester grade in bio, It’s probably going to drop about 8% now. If it does, my current GPA would drop to a 3.5ish. My 92% in bio and my 98% in AP Psych were the only two grades that were keeping my Cumulative GPA acceptable.

I’m so confused redditors, I don’t know what to do. All I was aiming for in my undergrad was acceptance into a Bio or Psychology Major in either OSU, UC or Kent State. I don’t think I can now. I’m really fucking tired and upset. This was literally the worst day of my life, and my childhood was filled with physical and emotional abuse, and domestic violence between both my parents. I let myself down today. All I wanted was an out from this. All I want is financial and personal independence, and I don’t think this will happen. I literally don’t know what to do right now. Never taking concerta again that's for sure.

PS: I AM NOT ADDICTED TO STIMULANT MEDS, I JUST WANTed TO GET RID OF MY ADHD SYMPTOMS... AND IT BACKFIRED. I'M NOT GOING TO USE IT EVER AGAIN.

[Sam1]

lmao??

[WejooHottie]

woox

[Andy]

so pride right now

[Rob56]

should just put themselves out of their own misery

[B``]

I asked my mom about this, and how I showed lot’s of symptoms of ADHD,and she mentioned how my doctor and some of my teacher’s asked my mom to get me tested. She obviously didn’t, so I asked her and her response significantly upset. To her and my dad, “ADHD, ADD, medication and therapy are excuses for lazy parents who have no time to discipline them” - direct quote from my Dad. My mom then adds to this by saying how “We all have trouble concentrating, and you are smart, why don’t you just concentrate more. I must have failed raising you if your will power is so weak. What I failed most with was by not forcing you to pray when you started acting up. (I abandoned my stupid religion during the end of freshman year. I was extremely religious before then. I wouldn’t even eat certain foods for it. It honestly did so much harm and little to no good to my life.). She continues in her rage “Maybe if you focused more on God, you would be more obedient and listen to your parents! You don’t have ADHD, you aren’t trying hard enough. ADHD is bullshit, and so is psychiatry. They are the biggest con artists ever.” (This last statement really ticked me off, they said this without knowing that I planned on being one. It was really ironic tbh. I was kind of expecting this from them though, because my mom hates gay and black people for no reason and that itself is ironic because WE ARE FUCKING COLORED OURSELVES.) “You should stop whining and start studying. Your GPA is awful.” she finishes before I storm out filled up with anger. I was really upset that day, they wouldn’t help me. I don’t know why they value the brain less than any other organ humans have. For fucks sake, my mom took opiates after her back surgery, and my dad is a chainsmoker, yet she and my dad have the audacity to tell me how dangerous “drugging up your mind is.”.

That happened about two weeks ago. I was starting to get really stressed after that because at that point, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to help myself under them. So for finals, I decided t help myself out and bought some 54mg concerta tablets that I bought from a guy at my school. Long story short, I used them over the weekend, and they didn’t work at all in improving my focus, even after I took 164mg of them. Unfortunately, they left me with awful side effects like constant staring, cheek gnawing, cold extremities, pressure in my head, and intense, amazing euphoria with an awful crash that shortly followed it. I was awake for more than 26 hours straight friday night, and only slept one hour after the effects completely wore down. I then did lot’s of research on the drug, and found out that I had bought XR tablets and that they are SUPPOSED to release very tiny increments of ritalin at a time into my system and would last between 10-16 hours after use. I realized that the reason why they were extended release was due to its coating, so I removed it and experimented the following sunday with half of my second to last tablet. I was right, and with about 27 mg of half a tablet with some of the shell removed, the drug kicked in within 30 minutes and lasted for about 4 hours before I felt a milder and tolerable crash. It was amazing, I could never have concentrated as well in my life without it. No, it wasn’t anything like how my friend described studying with adderall was, and it sure wasn’t close to a “magic” drug, but for once in my life, I could actually focus on one thing without zoning out. It felt unreal. I’ve never actually “studied” like this before, It was like I was a normal person. This time for the first time ever, I went a whole 2 hours without getting distracted by frivolous stimuli. My hyperactivity was minimized, and I actually felt happy for once. It didn’t give me extra creative juices like adderall supposedly does, but it did help me effectively use my brain. I figured it was due to Methylphenidate being a dopamine inhibitor unlike adderall which is both an inhibitor and a stimulator for the brain to produce even more dopamine. Ritalin helps you use what you got, and Adderall gives you an edge.

I really wasn’t complaining, I memorized over half of my AP Bio semester in two fucking hours. I knew that I would do good the following day…

BOY WAS I WRONG, I’VE POSSIBLY NEVER BEEN MORE WRONG IN MY LIFE.

After taking half of the remaining split pill I had left with one left over, I got cranking through my first exam for the day. My AP Environmental test was finished with ease, and I didn’t even study for it.

Here is where I fuck up, and it’s BIG!

Unlike the previous day, the crash was HORRID. I was getting an intense headache that felt like Arnold Schwarzenegger was crushing my temples inward with his quads. It was almost as bad as my concerta OD friday night. I panic, and pop the last pill that I had left, and felt ease after 15 minutes. The bell rung, and I made my venture to Calculus for that exam. It had lots of questions over velocity (the test which I missed more than half the questions on) and I was doing pretty good till the last 20ish minutes of the exam. At this point, the full tablet of concerta started to exponentially kick in. It had paradoxical effects on me, and I was over analyze EVERY LITTLE thing. I realized this after I spent over 14 of the twenty minutes on the second to last problem that was extremely simple. All I had to do was plug in a number to get the answer, but I had spent almost all of my remaining time on it while finding solutions to other velocity calculations that had nothing to do with the problem. On the last question, I realize that I’m super fucked, because It was really hard for me to comprehend what exactly I was supposed to answer. I got through it fortunately, but I could feel my brain thought process, and it was awfully slow.

I was super fucked. I had bio next…

It was difficult, and I tried to maintain my composure in there, but the concerta amplified while I completed the first few questions. My thoughts were super slow, and it felt as if I was shitfaced drunk and my brain was in slow motion. I had the hardest time understanding what I was reading, I literally had to reread every single fucking question and answer choices over three times each before I marked my scantron. I was really fucked up, and I was super confused over what every other question was asking me. I was the last kid to finish up the MC part of the exam, and my teacher told me that I was taking way too long. I still had over 4 multiple choice and 2 grid in questions left, but she made me turn it in, she didn’t care. I was freaking out on the inside, my heart rate shot up, yet my face and body showed no indications that I was having a mild anxiety attack. My hands started to become really cold and my palms started to sweat. I only took around 71 mg, It started feeling even worse than the previous friday when I took over 162 mg. This made my current problem even worse, I started thinking about why and sat dumbfounded for over 5 minutes.

BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE.

I was already super anxious and was starting to feel extremely dizzy and mentally slow. I felt dumber than a drunk SP-ED kid. I had a whole writing portion to complete in this condition, and they were over experimental design and I was supposed to explain every single component of an experiment for two of the three questions that I only had 16 minutes left out of the 25 minutes that was recommended for the questions.

All of a sudden, I felt the most euphoric sensation that I have ever experienced in my life. It was different than last friday’s possible OD, because this time, the headache simultaneously with the high. It hurt to think, but I had to so I did. I completed the test with 2 minutes left. I know I scored between 65%-80% on it, that is if I didn’t fail it. My grade in AP bio was 1 92%, and this exam accounts for 1/5th of my semester grade. I wanted my grade to raise in there, but I got the exact opposite. I have never felt worse in my whole life, yet I could barely comprehend how bad I had fucked up.

When I got home I realized how bad I fucked up, and I started thinking about my GPA and college for more than 7 hours straight. I realized that my whole life was one big fuck up. The concerta just started to wear down a couple minutes ago. I’m actually typing this semi high while coming down from the crash. My head still aches, but I’m starting to concentrate better.

Here is my question guys, I probably fucked up my semester grade in bio, It’s probably going to drop about 8% now. If it does, my current GPA would drop to a 3.5ish. My 92% in bio and my 98% in AP Psych were the only two grades that were keeping my Cumulative GPA acceptable.

I’m so confused redditors, I don’t know what to do. All I was aiming for in my undergrad was acceptance into a Bio or Psychology Major in either OSU, UC or Kent State. I don’t think I can now. I’m really fucking tired and upset. This was literally the worst day of my life, and my childhood was filled with physical and emotional abuse, and domestic violence between both my parents. I let myself down today. All I wanted was an out from this. All I want is financial and personal independence, and I don’t think this will happen. I literally don’t know what to do right now. Never taking concerta again that's for sure.

PS: I AM NOT ADDICTED TO STIMULANT MEDS, I JUST WANTed TO GET RID OF MY ADHD SYMPTOMS... AND IT BACKFIRED. I'M NOT GOING TO USE IT EVER AGAIN.

I asked my mom about this, and how I showed lot’s of symptoms of ADHD,and she mentioned how my doctor and some of my teacher’s asked my mom to get me tested. She obviously didn’t, so I asked her and her response significantly upset. To her and my dad, “ADHD, ADD, medication and therapy are excuses for lazy parents who have no time to discipline them” - direct quote from my Dad. My mom then adds to this by saying how “We all have trouble concentrating, and you are smart, why don’t you just concentrate more. I must have failed raising you if your will power is so weak. What I failed most with was by not forcing you to pray when you started acting up. (I abandoned my stupid religion during the end of freshman year. I was extremely religious before then. I wouldn’t even eat certain foods for it. It honestly did so much harm and little to no good to my life.). She continues in her rage “Maybe if you focused more on God, you would be more obedient and listen to your parents! You don’t have ADHD, you aren’t trying hard enough. ADHD is bullshit, and so is psychiatry. They are the biggest con artists ever.” (This last statement really ticked me off, they said this without knowing that I planned on being one. It was really ironic tbh. I was kind of expecting this from them though, because my mom hates gay and black people for no reason and that itself is ironic because WE ARE FUCKING COLORED OURSELVES.) “You should stop whining and start studying. Your GPA is awful.” she finishes before I storm out filled up with anger. I was really upset that day, they wouldn’t help me. I don’t know why they value the brain less than any other organ humans have. For fucks sake, my mom took opiates after her back surgery, and my dad is a chainsmoker, yet she and my dad have the audacity to tell me how dangerous “drugging up your mind is.”.

That happened about two weeks ago. I was starting to get really stressed after that because at that point, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to help myself under them. So for finals, I decided t help myself out and bought some 54mg concerta tablets that I bought from a guy at my school. Long story short, I used them over the weekend, and they didn’t work at all in improving my focus, even after I took 164mg of them. Unfortunately, they left me with awful side effects like constant staring, cheek gnawing, cold extremities, pressure in my head, and intense, amazing euphoria with an awful crash that shortly followed it. I was awake for more than 26 hours straight friday night, and only slept one hour after the effects completely wore down. I then did lot’s of research on the drug, and found out that I had bought XR tablets and that they are SUPPOSED to release very tiny increments of ritalin at a time into my system and would last between 10-16 hours after use. I realized that the reason why they were extended release was due to its coating, so I removed it and experimented the following sunday with half of my second to last tablet. I was right, and with about 27 mg of half a tablet with some of the shell removed, the drug kicked in within 30 minutes and lasted for about 4 hours before I felt a milder and tolerable crash. It was amazing, I could never have concentrated as well in my life without it. No, it wasn’t anything like how my friend described studying with adderall was, and it sure wasn’t close to a “magic” drug, but for once in my life, I could actually focus on one thing without zoning out. It felt unreal. I’ve never actually “studied” like this before, It was like I was a normal person. This time for the first time ever, I went a whole 2 hours without getting distracted by frivolous stimuli. My hyperactivity was minimized, and I actually felt happy for once. It didn’t give me extra creative juices like adderall supposedly does, but it did help me effectively use my brain. I figured it was due to Methylphenidate being a dopamine inhibitor unlike adderall which is both an inhibitor and a stimulator for the brain to produce even more dopamine. Ritalin helps you use what you got, and Adderall gives you an edge.

I really wasn’t complaining, I memorized over half of my AP Bio semester in two fucking hours. I knew that I would do good the following day…

BOY WAS I WRONG, I’VE POSSIBLY NEVER BEEN MORE WRONG IN MY LIFE.

After taking half of the remaining split pill I had left with one left over, I got cranking through my first exam for the day. My AP Environmental test was finished with ease, and I didn’t even study for it.

Here is where I fuck up, and it’s BIG!

Unlike the previous day, the crash was HORRID. I was getting an intense headache that felt like Arnold Schwarzenegger was crushing my temples inward with his quads. It was almost as bad as my concerta OD friday night. I panic, and pop the last pill that I had left, and felt ease after 15 minutes. The bell rung, and I made my venture to Calculus for that exam. It had lots of questions over velocity (the test which I missed more than half the questions on) and I was doing pretty good till the last 20ish minutes of the exam. At this point, the full tablet of concerta started to exponentially kick in. It had paradoxical effects on me, and I was over analyze EVERY LITTLE thing. I realized this after I spent over 14 of the twenty minutes on the second to last problem that was extremely simple. All I had to do was plug in a number to get the answer, but I had spent almost all of my remaining time on it while finding solutions to other velocity calculations that had nothing to do with the problem. On the last question, I realize that I’m super fucked, because It was really hard for me to comprehend what exactly I was supposed to answer. I got through it fortunately, but I could feel my brain thought process, and it was awfully slow.

I was super fucked. I had bio next…

It was difficult, and I tried to maintain my composure in there, but the concerta amplified while I completed the first few questions. My thoughts were super slow, and it felt as if I was shitfaced drunk and my brain was in slow motion. I had the hardest time understanding what I was reading, I literally had to reread every single fucking question and answer choices over three times each before I marked my scantron. I was really fucked up, and I was super confused over what every other question was asking me. I was the last kid to finish up the MC part of the exam, and my teacher told me that I was taking way too long. I still had over 4 multiple choice and 2 grid in questions left, but she made me turn it in, she didn’t care. I was freaking out on the inside, my heart rate shot up, yet my face and body showed no indications that I was having a mild anxiety attack. My hands started to become really cold and my palms started to sweat. I only took around 71 mg, It started feeling even worse than the previous friday when I took over 162 mg. This made my current problem even worse, I started thinking about why and sat dumbfounded for over 5 minutes.

BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE.

I was already super anxious and was starting to feel extremely dizzy and mentally slow. I felt dumber than a drunk SP-ED kid. I had a whole writing portion to complete in this condition, and they were over experimental design and I was supposed to explain every single component of an experiment for two of the three questions that I only had 16 minutes left out of the 25 minutes that was recommended for the questions.

All of a sudden, I felt the most euphoric sensation that I have ever experienced in my life. It was different than last friday’s possible OD, because this time, the headache simultaneously with the high. It hurt to think, but I had to so I did. I completed the test with 2 minutes left. I know I scored between 65%-80% on it, that is if I didn’t fail it. My grade in AP bio was 1 92%, and this exam accounts for 1/5th of my semester grade. I wanted my grade to raise in there, but I got the exact opposite. I have never felt worse in my whole life, yet I could barely comprehend how bad I had fucked up.

When I got home I realized how bad I fucked up, and I started thinking about my GPA and college for more than 7 hours straight. I realized that my whole life was one big fuck up. The concerta just started to wear down a couple minutes ago. I’m actually typing this semi high while coming down from the crash. My head still aches, but I’m starting to concentrate better.

Here is my question guys, I probably fucked up my semester grade in bio, It’s probably going to drop about 8% now. If it does, my current GPA would drop to a 3.5ish. My 92% in bio and my 98% in AP Psych were the only two grades that were keeping my Cumulative GPA acceptable.

I’m so confused redditors, I don’t know what to do. All I was aiming for in my undergrad was acceptance into a Bio or Psychology Major in either OSU, UC or Kent State. I don’t think I can now. I’m really fucking tired and upset. This was literally the worst day of my life, and my childhood was filled with physical and emotional abuse, and domestic violence between both my parents. I let myself down today. All I wanted was an out from this. All I want is financial and personal independence, and I don’t think this will happen. I literally don’t know what to do right now. Never taking concerta again that's for sure.

PS: I AM NOT ADDICTED TO STIMULANT MEDS, I JUST WANTed TO GET RID OF MY ADHD SYMPTOMS... AND IT BACKFIRED. I'M NOT GOING TO USE IT EVER AGAIN.

I asked my mom about this, and how I showed lot’s of symptoms of ADHD,and she mentioned how my doctor and some of my teacher’s asked my mom to get me tested. She obviously didn’t, so I asked her and her response significantly upset. To her and my dad, “ADHD, ADD, medication and therapy are excuses for lazy parents who have no time to discipline them” - direct quote from my Dad. My mom then adds to this by saying how “We all have trouble concentrating, and you are smart, why don’t you just concentrate more. I must have failed raising you if your will power is so weak. What I failed most with was by not forcing you to pray when you started acting up. (I abandoned my stupid religion during the end of freshman year. I was extremely religious before then. I wouldn’t even eat certain foods for it. It honestly did so much harm and little to no good to my life.). She continues in her rage “Maybe if you focused more on God, you would be more obedient and listen to your parents! You don’t have ADHD, you aren’t trying hard enough. ADHD is bullshit, and so is psychiatry. They are the biggest con artists ever.” (This last statement really ticked me off, they said this without knowing that I planned on being one. It was really ironic tbh. I was kind of expecting this from them though, because my mom hates gay and black people for no reason and that itself is ironic because WE ARE FUCKING COLORED OURSELVES.) “You should stop whining and start studying. Your GPA is awful.” she finishes before I storm out filled up with anger. I was really upset that day, they wouldn’t help me. I don’t know why they value the brain less than any other organ humans have. For fucks sake, my mom took opiates after her back surgery, and my dad is a chainsmoker, yet she and my dad have the audacity to tell me how dangerous “drugging up your mind is.”.

That happened about two weeks ago. I was starting to get really stressed after that because at that point, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to help myself under them. So for finals, I decided t help myself out and bought some 54mg concerta tablets that I bought from a guy at my school. Long story short, I used them over the weekend, and they didn’t work at all in improving my focus, even after I took 164mg of them. Unfortunately, they left me with awful side effects like constant staring, cheek gnawing, cold extremities, pressure in my head, and intense, amazing euphoria with an awful crash that shortly followed it. I was awake for more than 26 hours straight friday night, and only slept one hour after the effects completely wore down. I then did lot’s of research on the drug, and found out that I had bought XR tablets and that they are SUPPOSED to release very tiny increments of ritalin at a time into my system and would last between 10-16 hours after use. I realized that the reason why they were extended release was due to its coating, so I removed it and experimented the following sunday with half of my second to last tablet. I was right, and with about 27 mg of half a tablet with some of the shell removed, the drug kicked in within 30 minutes and lasted for about 4 hours before I felt a milder and tolerable crash. It was amazing, I could never have concentrated as well in my life without it. No, it wasn’t anything like how my friend described studying with adderall was, and it sure wasn’t close to a “magic” drug, but for once in my life, I could actually focus on one thing without zoning out. It felt unreal. I’ve never actually “studied” like this before, It was like I was a normal person. This time for the first time ever, I went a whole 2 hours without getting distracted by frivolous stimuli. My hyperactivity was minimized, and I actually felt happy for once. It didn’t give me extra creative juices like adderall supposedly does, but it did help me effectively use my brain. I figured it was due to Methylphenidate being a dopamine inhibitor unlike adderall which is both an inhibitor and a stimulator for the brain to produce even more dopamine. Ritalin helps you use what you got, and Adderall gives you an edge.

I really wasn’t complaining, I memorized over half of my AP Bio semester in two fucking hours. I knew that I would do good the following day…

BOY WAS I WRONG, I’VE POSSIBLY NEVER BEEN MORE WRONG IN MY LIFE.

After taking half of the remaining split pill I had left with one left over, I got cranking through my first exam for the day. My AP Environmental test was finished with ease, and I didn’t even study for it.

Here is where I fuck up, and it’s BIG!

Unlike the previous day, the crash was HORRID. I was getting an intense headache that felt like Arnold Schwarzenegger was crushing my temples inward with his quads. It was almost as bad as my concerta OD friday night. I panic, and pop the last pill that I had left, and felt ease after 15 minutes. The bell rung, and I made my venture to Calculus for that exam. It had lots of questions over velocity (the test which I missed more than half the questions on) and I was doing pretty good till the last 20ish minutes of the exam. At this point, the full tablet of concerta started to exponentially kick in. It had paradoxical effects on me, and I was over analyze EVERY LITTLE thing. I realized this after I spent over 14 of the twenty minutes on the second to last problem that was extremely simple. All I had to do was plug in a number to get the answer, but I had spent almost all of my remaining time on it while finding solutions to other velocity calculations that had nothing to do with the problem. On the last question, I realize that I’m super fucked, because It was really hard for me to comprehend what exactly I was supposed to answer. I got through it fortunately, but I could feel my brain thought process, and it was awfully slow.

I was super fucked. I had bio next…

It was difficult, and I tried to maintain my composure in there, but the concerta amplified while I completed the first few questions. My thoughts were super slow, and it felt as if I was shitfaced drunk and my brain was in slow motion. I had the hardest time understanding what I was reading, I literally had to reread every single fucking question and answer choices over three times each before I marked my scantron. I was really fucked up, and I was super confused over what every other question was asking me. I was the last kid to finish up the MC part of the exam, and my teacher told me that I was taking way too long. I still had over 4 multiple choice and 2 grid in questions left, but she made me turn it in, she didn’t care. I was freaking out on the inside, my heart rate shot up, yet my face and body showed no indications that I was having a mild anxiety attack. My hands started to become really cold and my palms started to sweat. I only took around 71 mg, It started feeling even worse than the previous friday when I took over 162 mg. This made my current problem even worse, I started thinking about why and sat dumbfounded for over 5 minutes.

BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE.

I was already super anxious and was starting to feel extremely dizzy and mentally slow. I felt dumber than a drunk SP-ED kid. I had a whole writing portion to complete in this condition, and they were over experimental design and I was supposed to explain every single component of an experiment for two of the three questions that I only had 16 minutes left out of the 25 minutes that was recommended for the questions.

All of a sudden, I felt the most euphoric sensation that I have ever experienced in my life. It was different than last friday’s possible OD, because this time, the headache simultaneously with the high. It hurt to think, but I had to so I did. I completed the test with 2 minutes left. I know I scored between 65%-80% on it, that is if I didn’t fail it. My grade in AP bio was 1 92%, and this exam accounts for 1/5th of my semester grade. I wanted my grade to raise in there, but I got the exact opposite. I have never felt worse in my whole life, yet I could barely comprehend how bad I had fucked up.

When I got home I realized how bad I fucked up, and I started thinking about my GPA and college for more than 7 hours straight. I realized that my whole life was one big fuck up. The concerta just started to wear down a couple minutes ago. I’m actually typing this semi high while coming down from the crash. My head still aches, but I’m starting to concentrate better.

Here is my question guys, I probably fucked up my semester grade in bio, It’s probably going to drop about 8% now. If it does, my current GPA would drop to a 3.5ish. My 92% in bio and my 98% in AP Psych were the only two grades that were keeping my Cumulative GPA acceptable.

I’m so confused redditors, I don’t know what to do. All I was aiming for in my undergrad was acceptance into a Bio or Psychology Major in either OSU, UC or Kent State. I don’t think I can now. I’m really fucking tired and upset. This was literally the worst day of my life, and my childhood was filled with physical and emotional abuse, and domestic violence between both my parents. I let myself down today. All I wanted was an out from this. All I want is financial and personal independence, and I don’t think this will happen. I literally don’t know what to do right now. Never taking concerta again that's for sure.

PS: I AM NOT ADDICTED TO STIMULANT MEDS, I JUST WANTed TO GET RID OF MY ADHD SYMPTOMS... AND IT BACKFIRED. I'M NOT GOING TO USE IT EVER AGAIN.

[Tracy Bogarti]

:)

[Filz]

now thats something

[Vzla]

l0l

[Matt`]

cant wait

[Shockplug]

Did he just graduate or does he wear a mortarboard for fun?

[Diogo96]

why cant they just close i dont get it lmao

[Adam]

:hmm: :lul: failfish

[Aoly]

didnt ye kill vr allready lol

[Elver]

need to advertise somehow